WIP: how I learning to ask others of things
I’m 28 right now and for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to do everything without help. If ever offered I would typically decline. In the personal, I thought I was being a burden. In the professional I thought I was being lazy. I always thought it’s better to learn how to do something so you never got caught off guard needing to know something on your own. Self-reliance was the goal.
But this in reality cannot last. Maybe it held on so long cause I’m an only child but personally and professionally I need to give it up
Asking for help is being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is what any strong relationship needs. It gives a couple or a group a way to hold each other up when we wane or fall.
Asking for help is being realistic. It’s setting expectations for yourself and recognizing the limits our time.
Asking for help is clarifying. We may realize from ourselves or from others that what we need help on is not what we thought.
As I realize how much the personal and professional are tied, it made me wonder why asking anyone of anything seemed unconciousable. In the personal I saw it as a burden on others. In the professional I saw it as lazy of myself and insensitive the autonomy and desires of others. No one should do something they don’t want to. Everyone should do something that brings them joy and growth.
But that’s not even true for me. What brings satisfaction is the journey and whatever must be done on the way is just part of the deal. You just shoulder through the stuff that sucks.
What is it about being a burden? I guess I also see that in the professional. Shit many parts of our lives are burdens, even things we love. We’re always expelling energy and depleting ourselves. It’s a flow of ups and downs, trials and fulfillment. But I think more deeply it’s about my feeling that I’m transferring a burden that is mine onto another. It feels selfish of me to offload my burden to another, and it feels especially selfish when it means spending money to carry out it out.
I think anything viewed in the context of individual to individual will always be flawed. But if we think of this in the context of the larger societal need and what is required to satisfy that need, then the burden to correct society and to lift others is on all of us. Participation in any form is burdensome.
What needs to be done can be done by anyone. It’s problematic to me as soon as an individual is directing another what to endure. So if I’m to request anything of someone, it has to come from what we share as the societal ill. We have to both see what needs to be done.
But in practice, this is a bit unrealistic. No one person has the capacity to understand the full context or maintain communication at scale. We have to lean on each other and give up some of our autonomy for understanding.
But why should I be the one requesting others to sacrifice their