1 hit quit

Writing this months later but just wanted to mark the day so I can come back and reflect.

I remember walking back from the subway, thinking about how I needed to make progress with an online course I was taking. And from the corner of my eye I saw a shadow move a weird way and bang I feel the hit in the back of my head.

Turning around I see some kids who get ready to take more shots. All I can think is that I don’t have time for this shit, I got some linear algebra to figure out.

I remember turning, putting out my arms simply asking the next kid why as we made eye contact. I remember hearing “I can’t punch him”

We separated and went on with our nights. I wonder how I represented change in that neighborhood that was unwelcomed. I hoped my actions made them believe they deserved respect. But respect wasn’t enough to stop money and politics and people from changing their world. I remember loving getting a rise out of people in middle/high school. Just wonder how that sat underneath it all

An hour later I went to the precinct nearby to report, with the hopes that they would notify the schools of the behavior and they could speak to it there. Turns out they had a few others report, all of which came in delayed. I was the last, also delayed, also uninformative, for fear that a moment of emotion and kids being kids could ruin their lives in Rikers. I just wanted the schools to know, and when I asked again and again if they would tell them, there was no response.

How can the police be so cold and unconcerned with the well being of our communities and upbringing of the youth.

Now that’s it’s been a few months, I still noticed that I watch who is behind me out of the corner of my eye. I have a slight anxiety waiting for it to happen again. Crazy whir is that I didn’t even have a real moment of trauma. I walked away ok mentally and physically.

It’s weird cause when I was growing up in suburban NJ, I had a similar anxiety. I always had this weird idea that someone driving by as I was walking would just chuck something out the window at me. Randomly. No clue why I thought that lol

So I guess a simmering anxiety about the unpredictability of things has sat with me for a long time.